Come to Me.

111 Days.  Such small digits.  A bit misleading, because there are three of them.  Any number with a digit in the "hundreds" column just sounds large.  It sounds like a lot of days.  But really, it's just a vapor of time.  Everyone says how fast the Spring flies by every year - this year will be no different.  Only this year, I am packing my house, I am planning my oldest daughter's graduation ceremony from high school, trying to support her and help her discern which college is "the" college for her - and when she should start attending that college.  I'm researching curricula choices for Sam, Ruthie and Stephen for next year and trying to make those decisions, with very limited knowledge of our internet and electricity capabilities.  I am praying about whether my teen-aged son should apply to an excellent boarding school, which is several countries away from Rwanda and 7 hours away by plane (Oh, how we would miss him!), or whether I should attempt to give him what he needs academically in Rwanda.  There is no way I could give him what this school could give, but perhaps what I could give would be enough. I am striving to find a place in our calendar to schedule special good-bye events for Ruthie and for Sam - well, for all of us.  I want to find a way to attend all Ruthie's tennis matches that remain in the schedule this Spring.  

I am learning in some very practical ways what it means to trust in the Lord with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding.  I'm seeking to learn how to give each day's schedule to Him, and let him order my days.  This picture of Sam "driving" on Tim's lap reminds me of where I want to be with Jesus.  Yes, He is letting me go to Rwanda, and I'm sure He'll let me do some cool things and maybe even accomplish some neat stuff for His Kingdom.  But, even as we are preparing to go, and certainly when I am there, I want to be like Sam --- driving, but with the knowledge that My Daddy has my back, and is guiding my every move.  


I'm not doing this so well right now - I'm fumbling and bumbling my way along......one moment giving it all to Jesus, the next moment taking it all back and trying to carry it on my shoulders.  Please tell me I'm not the only one!  I hope at least some of the blog readers out there are experiencing this, too.  I want to remember Psalm 23:  The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.  He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He restores my soul."

"Come to me", He says. "Come to me, all you who are weary (duh, that's me) and burdened (me again), and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart (thank goodness), and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." ~ Jesus, from Matthew 11:28-30  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and He will make your paths straight."  - Proverbs 3:5-6

Why don't we come to Him when we are weary?  Or, why do we wait til we are weary?  Why not go for His water and nourishment and refreshment before we are out of steam?  Before we are thirsty?  Doctors say if you wait to drink water until you sense that you are thirsty, you are already partially dehydrated.  I think the same is true of Jesus.  If we wait to come to Him until we KNOW we are thirsty for him, we have waited too long.  We are already dehydrated.  Yes, he still lovingly gives us pure drink, but why wait til that time?  Why do I often think I must first try to carry things myself before I finally give them to Him?  Or why do I think, in light of all that is going on, that a once a day "quiet time" is gonna cut it?   No, I need him all day long, not just for half an hour before I wake up the kids.  Why do I think I can do this on my own?


Because I am a stubborn girl.  A very stubborn girl.  And a silly one sometimes. Actually, that's just a nice way of saying I struggle with a sinful nature - one that wants to be independent of God, wants to be able to be my own master, even though my heart knows better and knows I need Him for my every breath!  

I am so grateful that God loves me no matter how stubborn, how silly, or how preoccupied or anxious I become with my to do list.  And I am even more thankful that He is teaching this stubborn girl to come to Him BEFORE I sense my thirst, BEFORE my back is about to break under my load. He is life.  He carries our burdens.  He is Wisdom and Truth.  He will prepare us and equip us in all things and in all ways for the adventure that is ahead.  And I am so very thankful that we get to have this adventure and serve Him in this way.  What a privilege!  I just need to remember that I'm his girl - I need to put my small hand into His great big one, and let Him take me where He wants me to go, in the way that He wants me to get there.  

Thank you, God.