Too Many Buckets

Monday, June 10, 2013

Z came to see me this morning, the first morning of work back at the mission.

My heart feels overwhelmed, burdened with love and care for these people, yet bumping up against the reality of my limitations.  I am not wealthy – yes, I am wealthy by Rwandan standards – but truly, I do not have limitless resources of cash, even though I’m sure it appears that way to my friends here.

Z makes 35,000 francs a month (about $53 USD)  – a good sum in this area.  But, he supports his elderly parents who can no longer work, he pays $5K per month for his niece’s education, and pays 20K per month for educational needs for his children.  He also pays for food and other expenses for his family, and this leaves too little to pay the bills.  His wife is deaf, and cannot earn much.  She works as a seamstress at a local sewing shop, and they haven’t had much work lately.  I am about to give the ladies at the seamstress shop a large order, so perhaps that will help, but still…..his family needs more than he can make right now. 

Z came to ask me if I could possibly provide capital for a new business he has started.  The Chinese are cutting down many trees in the area to make room for new roads – and the district is willing to sell these trees to anyone with money to pay for them.  Z wants to buy the trees, make boards from them, and sell them.  He has found a large market for this in the area, and has already started doing this, but isn’t making much money because he doesn’t have enough money to keep buying trees.  He has asked us for a loan or a gift of capital of 200,000K (about $330 USD) to help him make his business able to prosper.

K, another friend, needs capital to build a house nearby.  Currently, and for the last thirty years, he has walked two hours each way to work every day except Sunday.  He wants to build a house closer to the mission, so he can see his wife and 5 children a little in the evenings after work.  Currently, the children are all asleep by the time he gets home and are still asleep when he leaves in the morning.  He has been attending University in the evenings and weekends after work, so his days are very long.  He needs 1,200,000K (about $1,800 USD) to finish his house; he has already purchased the land. 

These are just two stories, amidst endless more.  

The needs here are great.  Many cannot even put food in their mouths; others are trying to better their lives and just need a “leg up”.  One disaster separates everyone here from complete poverty.  Having a nest egg doesn’t exist. Grown children are people’s “nest egg”. 

So, how are we to respond to all this need?  We can’t fix it. We can’t fill so many buckets.  We just don’t have the resources.  We don’t have the ability.  Perhaps if I was Bill Gates I could fill all the needs – but I am not Bill Gates, nor Steve Jobs, nor any of those other guys.  I’m just Linda Berg. 

But how can I turn away a friend in need?  How can I not do all I can to share what I have with someone who needs what I have?

I do know that my God owns the cattle on a thousand hills.  I know God promises that whoever gives to one of the least of these is giving to HIM; and that we cannot outgive God.  I know that God’s word promises that anyone who does not hold back from giving to God, God will bless abundantly and will cause his barns to overflow.  (I would love to have overflowing barns right now, because maybe, just maybe, I would then have enough to help.) 

Do I not believe this?  Do I believe I must protect myself and my family – to keep some held back for our safety?  I have four children to send to college.  I too will grow old and be unable to work at some point.  How do these commands from God, these encouragements to open up my tightfisted heart and to trust Him, to share with others in need, to not look to my bank account to be my Savior and provider, but to look to God, how do these affect my actions and my heart in real life, in down and dirty, nitty gritty, day to day life? 

Do I believe God can provide for me, or not?  Do I trust his Word, or not? 

Should I give to my neighbor, should I go the extra mile? 

These are some of the questions on my mind today, as I’m finally coming face to face with the truths that I do not have enough for my friends.  What I have will never be enough.  But I do know the One who always has enough, who always IS enough.  How can I share Him?  How can I share all He is and all He has with these new friends of mine? 

These are my new questions……

Pray for me that He shows me anew how to live, and that He strengthens me to walk where He wants me to walk.  To follow in the footsteps of Jesus, my Savior, who gave his all for me and for all of his children.